Raising Real Men

A reader on Facebook recently asked privately, “My friends and I parent differently. What is the difference between allowing your boys to be rambunctious and boyish and letting them be obnoxious and run wild?”

I think the balance is found in appropriateness. Outside, let them run and play and wrestle and yell. Inside, they moderate it to keep from damaging things and driving you crazy. At other people’s houses, they moderate it still more to comply with their rules and to be good guests. At church, or elderly family member’s house or a wedding or funeral, they learn to be quiet, still and respectful. They can learn the difference, though it’s a challenge when they’re younger.

Much love,

Melanie

I noticed an older journal of mine amongst the debris of an Eliza playtime around my bookshelf and sat down to leaf through it. Before the sickness and tiredness of pregnancy, in the days when I had time in abundance and thought I was ‘busy’,  my most focused and best devotional times were always when I journaled.  To my shame, through pregnancy, and even now I have not managed to be anywhere near as consistent as I’d like to be or need to be. But in this newly discovered old notebook I read through a few prayers I had scribbled pre and post baby and remembered again God’s continuing faithfulness through the transitions of new life, chapters and all the unknown days ahead. It also inspired me to really focus on journaling again! I noted some of the prayers below – they’re nothing grand!- but I hope they might help someone in someway…

December 26th 2010 (10 weeks until baby comes)

‘Lord, help me not be afraid’

January 4th 2011

Father in heaven,

What a miracle it is that a little one is hidden inside of me and that You are weaving her together piece by piece, inch by inch; that You know all her days before they come to be, her abilities, her struggles, her humor, her disposition, the color of her eyes, the shape of her feet.  Such knowledge is too marvelous for me. I praise You for she is fearfully and wonderfully made.  Lord please protect her within my womb…’

January 8th 2011 – 8 weeks and 2 days till baby comes

‘Thank you for this little child within my womb – may she very early in life add her praise to the great song of praise and that those looking on might see Your goodness and strength through her young voice.  Help us teach her Lord, inspire her, make known what is right and how holiness is always beautiful…’

The same day -

‘I think today of those ladies I know who long to be mothers remembering my own heartache and how hard it is to wait and not know.  Father, please enable them to conceive and carry babies full term.  Help them to get through each day fulfilling what it is you have called them to for that moment.  May their greatest delight be in You and if children do not come move in their hearts by Your grace that they may not be lost in the distraction or disappointment but know Your healing and purpose for their lives.  You know the pain – draw near to them this day’

April 8th 2011 (Eliza is 5 and a 1/2 weeks old)

‘Father in heaven, thank You for this new morning and safety and rest through the night as Your unsleeping eye watched over us.  Thank You that all our nights and all our days are known and measured by You.  Thank You for the joy of family and that You love and care for each member of my family more than I ever could.  And yet the love of a mother is both fierce and gentle, strong and tender – thank You for our beautiful baby.  Forgive my anxious thoughts, worries and any idolatry in my heart.  She is Your child and may I love and serve You well in loving and protecting her to the best of my ability.  May I love and honor You by loving and honoring my husband well.  Thank You for Your care of me in these last weeks’

First Mothers Day – May 8th 2011

Today is my first Mother’s Day as a mother – thank you Lord for enabling me to be a mother and for the precious gift of Eliza in our lives.  Help me be a godly and gentle and hardworking and loving and joyful mother to the glory of Christ. May He be first in our hearts as we pray He will be first in Eliza’s heart.

Kristyn Getty

In the spring of 2008 I first prayed for a baby, and in the spring of 2011 God answered that prayer with the birth of our beautiful daughter.  My joy was full but so were the fears I wrestled.  In some ways I felt like a baby Christian again, caught in a whirlwind of emotions, learning and applying what I have known and trusted into a completely new life – I know I’m definitely not the first to feel that!

Friends of ours had given us a card when their first son was born; it was full of prayer requests for his little life, a prayer for every day of the month. My prayers were not quite as coherent as those, especially at first, but the urgency of the moment drove me to my knees.  “Help her, help me” baby prayers at 3am; prayers as I heard the baby monitor light up in the morning; prayers when I thought of her safety, her soul, her future; prayers  with my husband; prayers while Eliza listened in.

When people found out that I was pregnant one of the most frequent comments I received was how my creativity would discover a whole new vista of inspiration as I became a mother.  So, when Eliza came I was anticipating a fresh flow of profound poetic thought, but instead I was swept up in the constant flow of changes and feedings and “Old MacDonald had a farm!” I was expecting full sentences, but I was blubbering looking at my beautiful girl! I actually wondered if I’d ever be able to write again.  I just about tucked some thoughts away to ponder later when my brain would start to fit itself back together again (still nowhere near a completed process!). As I continued to learn the wonderful balancing act and privilege of mothering, homemaking, writing, traveling and singing, Keith and I began to write a song for Eliza choosing this theme of praying for her, and the end result was “A Mother’s Prayer.”

My parents have faithfully prayed for me my whole life, and I remember when I was younger my mum met with other mums to pray for all their children – a “Moms in Touch” group in Belfast. Even just the knowledge of that helped me, and I want Eliza to know we are praying for her and trying to guide her in this context that reaches to the call and purpose of her whole life and an understanding of the Lord’s grace and faithfulness. We’re now in the toddler stage and some of the prayer needs are shifting.  We wanted the song to reflect the different seasons – ones we had discovered and then those still to come.  We also wrote it to remind us of our promise to pray for her through all the years we’re given.  We hope this song for her – and even more our praying for her – might catch her ear and help guide her heart as she grows up.

Kristyn Getty

Keith & Kristyn Getty are some of our favorite modern songwriters. Right up there with our son, Matt Henry Young (BTW, if you haven’t listened to this song of his, you need to!). They write songs of praise that aren’t merely choruses or full of mindless repetition, but instead are full of faith-building truth just like our favorite hymnwriters of the past. So, when the Gettys contacted us to see if we’d like to share Kristyn’s newest song with our readers before Mother’s Day, of course, we said yes!

Once I’d heard it, though, I was especially glad to bring it to you because it shares the heart of every believing mother — that her child would learn to love her Lord. Enjoy!

Want to share this sweet song? Head over to the Getty’s site by clicking here and you can send a Mother’s Day card with this song — and get 15% off of their music, too!

Keep your eyes out tomorrow for a guest post by Kristyn sharing her thoughts about this song!

Melanie Young

I just read a news article about a young newscaster on the air for the first – and last – time at his first job out of college. His first words on the air were a blast of profanity. Oh, he didn’t know his microphone was on, but part of a reporter’s training is to always remember any mic nearby could be hot. The real problem, however, is that he has not learned to control his temper and his mouth. He’d been practicing pronouncing the name of the winner of the London Marathon and couldn’t get it right. He just blew up and broadcast filth to the entire audience. The station let him go and I’m sure he’s rethinking his language habits right about now.

This is a great example to teach our sons the dangers of having a bad temper and of letting ourselves use bad language. Why not go a step further, though? Continue reading »

The Young family is on the road again in May!  We’ll be speaking at four major events in North and South Carolina, Tennessee, and Nebraska, and kicking off the first leg of our 2013 Great Western Tour.

Do you live along these routes? Would you like to have Hal and Melanie speak to your church, support group, or just a meeting of friends? Then drop us a line at info@raisingrealmen.com and start the conversation. You may be surprised how easily and inexpensively it can be done!

Opportunities:

Sunday, May 26 – West Virginia – Hal is available to teach a Sunday evening service, or both Hal and Melanie can speak to a group anywhere along the route of Bluefield-Beckley-Charleston-Huntington

Monday-Tuesday, May 27-28 – Missouri/Indiana/Illinois/Iowa – We are planning to stop two nights somewhere in a region bordered by Huntington, W.Va.-St. Louis-Kansas City on the southern edge, and Cincinnati-Indianapolis-Des Moines on the northern edge. If you are in that area and would be interested in hosting us for a meeting around that time, we might be available!

Training the next brother to work the booth.

We’re getting ready to fly out to California for the CHEA Bay Area Homeschool Convention this weekend. I’m still part time on crutches, but as I was thinking through the trip, I realized I’m not worried. See, we’re taking two of our teens with us and I know they’ll take great care of me. It’s hard to imagine when you’re changing diapers or hauling them out of the toilet and washing them up. It’s even harder to imagine when they’re eleven or twelve and they can’t get their school work done unless you’re constantly on their case. It’s hard to imagine, alright, but the day will come when you depend on them – and it’s a lot closer than you think!

I realized how much I’ve come to depend on our teens when we began talking about the possibility of them working away for the summer. Uh oh! How could we manage without them? How would we handle all the equipment when we camped? It would take so much longer to set up, and then pack out in the morning! Who’s going to run errands – or babysit? And conferences? I don’t even want to think about doing that without those guys!

It’s time, though, for the next two to step up to the plate. It’s time for them to learn the diligence and responsibility that have made their big brothers such a blessing to us. I’m not looking forward to the work that will take, but I’ve seen the blessings and it’s so worth it! Raise your boys to work hard, to contribute to the family – and don’t despair when it seems an impossible dream! They’ll grow up before you know it!

Hal & Melanie

When our eldest was just one, we went to our first homeschool convention – in a picnic shelter (really!) in Modesto, California. It was so exciting to talk to homeschoolers and to look through all the books. We knew we wanted to homeschool and this little taste of it just whet our appetites. We’ve only missed going to a homeschool convention once in the twenty-two years since then!

It’s true the Internet has changed things. It’s easier to get information and easier to “talk” to other homeschoolers than ever before. You can even download workshop sessions from your favorite speakers whenever you like.

So why should you go to a live homeschool convention?

It’s different when you are actually there. We love the time after our workshops when we get to talk to moms and dads face to face and pray with them. You can really get to know the speakers you enjoy – and they can get to know you.

Often the people who wrote the curriculum you are interested in are right there in the book fair. Even if they’re not, there will be knowledgeable folks running each booth, usually people who’ve used those books themselves. You can talk to other parents there and gain from their experience, and take a look at new things you’ve never even heard of before.

It’s good to be away from home, too. It’s hard to focus on your own learning when the children are running in and out and the laundry is calling. It’s so relaxing to sit back next to your mate, listen and learn, then head to lunch together talking about where the Lord is leading your family. It’s good for you and good for your marriage and children, as well.

The best reasons, though, are the divine appointments. Cool things happen when you put a few thousand homeschoolers in a building together. It happens all the time. We see two dads bouncing cranky toddlers in the hall and the dad who’s been worried about high school talks about the teens he’s met there. Teens who’d been restless at home gain a new perspective and a bunch of new friends in the teen sessions. A group of moms chatters up a storm waiting for a session to start, then settles back happy with some new ideas. Old friends call delighted greetings over stacks of books. The energy and joy is amazing!

We’re going to be speaking at a number of conventions this year, including:

• Santa Clara, Calif. – Christian Home Educators Association of California (CHEA-CA), Bay Area Convention
• Spartanburg, S.C. – Teach Them Diligently
• Nashville, Tenn. - Teach Them Diligently
• Winston-Salem, N.C. – North Carolinians for Home Education (NCHE)
• Omaha, Neb. – Teach Them Diligently
• Nampa, Id. (Boise area) - Christian Homeschool Organization of Idaho State (CHOIS)
• Phoenix, Ariz. – Arizona Families for Home Education (AFHE)
• Matthews, N.C. (Charlotte area) – HINTS Book Fair

If you come to one, stop by and say, “Hi!”

For more times and places, visit our Events page at RaisingRealMen.com/calendar

This article originally appeared in The Homeschool Minute.

Several of our sons have done well in state-level geography bees, including one who ranked no. 2 for the whole state. When a public school teacher turned to Melanie in amazement and asked “What curriculum do you use?” she had to admit a dark secret … we seldom use a geography curriculum at all!

So how do we help our children learn it?

• Make it accessible:  For years, we kept a world map and a U.S. map under plastic on our kitchen table (you can get tough, clear plastic in home improvement stores and fabric counters of discount stores). As we talked about current events over dinner, we’d simply illustrate them where we sat. “There’s flooding in the Hunan province of China. That’s over there, under the green beans.” One family we met had a world map which covered the wall of their playroom, from floor to ceiling! Continue reading »