September 15th, 2014
We were very surprised to find that many parents who are teaching courtship to their children are expecting (and telling their children!) that there will only be one suitor in their future. We see some real problems with this.
Imagine this: Marc has a female friend he’s known for years. Recently, he’s begun to realize what a good wife she would make and how much he enjoys her friendship. He talks to his parents who agree this looks like a wise course, then he calls her dad and makes an appointment to talk to him. He tells her father how much he appreciates his friend and how he’d like an opportunity to try to win her heart.
“Son, I have the highest respect for you,” the dad replies. “You’re a good man and would make a great husband, but last night, Brent asked me for permission to court my daughter. Now, I don’t want her to be hurt or have any confusion, so I don’t want you to tell her about your interest. I’m sorry.” Continue reading »
September 13th, 2014
Hal often says that boys seem especially tempted by anger, lust, and laziness. And if you think about it, it makes sense–those sins are connected to some of the most important roles men have as protectors, husbands, and providers.
So, how can you overcome their natural laziness? How can you help your son become diligent? Sometimes it seems impossible! Been there, folks. It’s not impossible, though. It just takes awhile. Here are some of the things we’ve done that have helped.
Make it about the mission. Boys often don’t care whether their surroundings are clean or not, so the motivation has to go beyond that. Explain to him how his contribution is helping the family, like this, “Hey son, thanks for rotating the dishwasher. When you handle things like that, it frees me to do other things. I was just on the phone helping a new homeschooling mom. You know, that was partly your ministry, too. You made me able to do it.” Continue reading »
September 4th, 2014
We’ve said some critical things about the way the courtship model is sometimes carried out, but one really good thing that has come out of it is the recognition that courtship and marriage involves more than two people, it involves two families.
We’re always amused when we hear someone say, “I’m marrying her, not her family,” because in our experience, it’s just not true. When you marry someone, their family becomes part of your family, so it pays to start off on the right foot. Continue reading »
August 18th, 2014
“Hey, I’ve got some unexpected time free. Want to meet for coffee?” an adult young man texts an adult female friend.
“I’m not comfortable meeting guys like that. You need to talk to my father,” is the reply.
These two are on a different wavelength. Let’s peek into their heads for a moment. (No, we can’t read their thoughts, but this is what we’ve heard lots of them say privately…
Guy: Hmmmmm. Got an extra hour here. No way to get any work done. Hey, this isn’t far from Charity’s house. Maybe she’d like to meet for coffee or something. She seems like a nice girl, but I really don’t know her. It’d be nice to chat for a bit, see what she’s interested in. She could be a good friend, maybe even someone I can court, but it’s way too early to think about that. “Hey, I’ve got some unexpected time free. Want to meet for coffee?”
Continue reading »
August 15th, 2014
Boys have a love for adventure. The trick is to teach them to take reasonable risks. We want them to be bold and adventurous – without breaking both legs jumping off the roof! There’s a whole chapter about that in Raising Real Men.
August 8th, 2014
“How do I get my son to read???” is a common question when we speak about homeschooling boys. Here’s what we’ve done:
Be patient when you are teaching them to read. Earlier is not better when it comes to boys. The average boy five years old has the same developmental reading readiness as a girl of three and a half. Many boys who struggle because they just aren’t developmentally ready to read yet decide that they just aren’t any good at school. That’s sad because it’s not true. Continue reading »
August 4th, 2014
Help Us Celebrate Five Years!
Five years ago, our family set out on a new ministry and a new adventure – helping you
make Biblical family life practical
with useful, encouraging, real-world resources
to bring Scriptural principles to the 21st century family
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT! Continue reading »
August 1st, 2014
“I don’t know what to do, we hadn’t even talked to him about sexuality yet, he’s so young. I just found out he’s been watching pornography, though. What do I do?”
We’ve heard this from several moms – just this week! And the ages would break your heart. Seven, eight, and nine year olds being exposed to things no one should ever see.
The first thing we told them is that you need to get some kind of accountability on every single internet device in your home.
I gave that advice to a mom at a conference recently and she said, “I don’t need that stuff. We keep the computer in the kitchen.” I wondered if that was really the only internet available in her house. No smartphones? No work laptop? No Kindles or iPods or tablets? And even if not, does she sleep in the kitchen?
It’s a serious question. One mom this week told us her little boy, eight or nine, I think, was getting up in the middle of the night to look at porn on her iPad. Having the computer in a public area is no protection at night. Continue reading »
July 31st, 2014
I was floating in the lake in my “mama suit” with my hair going every which way when one of my sons looked over at me and said, “Mom, you’re beautiful!” A few months ago, I might have answered, “Oh, please! I look awful!” but I’ve learned better since then.
A few months ago I read a blog post that I found very convicting. A mom wrote of her realization that the things she said about her body impacted her daughter’s view of beauty and acceptance of her own body. Ouch. I have two daughters now and I want them to feel lovely and confident. I started thinking about what I said about myself and the message my self-criticism gave my girls. Now I’m thinking of the message those things give my boys, too. What I say about my body affects how my boys view women. (<–Tweet this)
This afternoon, I decided to join the children in the Lake. When I came out on the deck, they shouted, “There’s Mama – and she’s wearing her swimsuit! Hooray! Hooray! She’s coming in!” They didn’t see what I saw, a middle aged overweight woman in the kind of suit she said she’d never wear. They saw someone they enjoyed; someone they wanted to be with. They saw me through the eyes of love. Continue reading »