Where once the achievement of a driver’s license at the earliest possible moment was the goal of every teen, now many shy from the responsibility it carries, rather than grasping for the independence it offers. As many as 10 percent of twentysomethings have moved back in with their parents for economic or other reasons, according to a recent survey. Yet society’s belief that adolescents are hormone-driven and unable to assume adult roles without decades of formalized training is false, the Allens say, and it needs to be replaced with an appreciation for teenagers’ capabilities and practical means to cultivate them.

The authors attempt to exonerate parents for this state of affairs, but they clearly show parents are responsible for their children’s maturation. The problem may be that parents share the societal attitude that it’s OK to “take care of things” for their teens even if that means hindering their development. The school system doesn’t help, creating an unhealthy “bubble” of adolescents being socialized by their peers rather than by adults. A credential-driven business world has shut the door on many opportunities for young people to gain useful experience before graduating from high school or college, leaving students at loose ends and despairing of ever gaining adulthood through the multitudes of hoops erected in their path. Outrageous behavior like early sexual activity, substance abuse, or petty crime may be lunges at “adult” behaviors that can be attained immediately, rather than postponed for a decade in the misty future.

The Allens don’t identify the chicken vs. the egg here, but if pressed they probably would point to the changes in American communities since the Civil War. In rural society, teenagers were expected to handle meaningful roles on the family farm or with the family business, or to fulfill similar roles with the neighbors. Shifiting from an agricultural to an industrial economy demanded more formal education — in 1900 only 11 percent of eighth-graders went on to high school — and labor unions encouraged longer schooling to reduce the pool of young workers.

Now, rather than contribute to their family and community, teenagers find themselves largely surrounded by other teenagers. How would an adult feel about a job which only simulated “real work” day after day? they ask. That’s the high school experience. It offers a future some students find bleak, and others rebel against.

The Allens’ recommendations are “not complex, but … not obvious.” At the basic level, they urge steps to “put adulthood back into adolescence,” bringing teens into the adult world wherever possible, giving them challenges to master, and letting them suffer real consequences. The professors point out that students accustomed to arriving at class five minutes late without repercussions are dismayed to find that airlines operate with different rules. This can be taught to high schoolers, too.

It is not a blood-and-thunder kind of parenting book, though. Frankly, they say, few parents have the time to carry out high-intensity disciplinary regimens while taking care of work, family responsibilities, and other demands. “In contrast to parents’ highly limited time to spend on parenting,” they write, “a teenager … who wants to do something other than what his parents want is often able to devote something close to 24 hours per day, seven days per week to figuring out a way around parental rules. Adolescent creativity in such situations knows few bounds.”

The Allens’ key is to build adult-to-adult relationships with teenagers. In situations with strong parent-child relationships, often the children internalize their parents’ values and act accordingly, even in the absence of strict and enumerated rules. “Discipline,” after all, comes from the same root as “disciple” — a common observation in the Christian education community — and it calls for constant adult-level interaction, even if frequently rejected.

They single out the educational system for radical change, treading a fine line between the value of classical education and the “school as job training” model. Certainly our own state’s “Learn and Earn” program already makes a tacit acknowledgment that undergraduate coursework frequently duplicates high school classes, so why not go ahead with college if you’re motivated enough. In fact, the Allens propose abandoning the concept of high school as a four-year program and adopting a content-mastery model, with exit exams that allow students to receive a diploma as soon as they demonstrate a sufficient basic education. There is a whisper that a fundamental body of literacy and citizenship is most appropriate for teenagers, leaving the detailed studies of literature, history, and science for college or even later, rather than letting watered-down high school coursework delay entry into productive life.

There are some unanswered questions and omissions in the book. The authors, though parents of teenagers themselves, gather most of their information from their clinical settings. The composite case studies they give are frequently students already in trouble with authorities, involved with social services, or in foster care or group settings. They don’t address the role of fathers or their absence, and since there seem to be more boys than girls in the examples they give, that would be an interesting ground for inquiry. There is little discussion of the impact of religious community, though what is said is positive.

Overall, though, the Allens offer a reasoned and practically attainable approach to making adolescence a time of training and growth, rather than one of passivity and stagnation.

This review originally appeared in the January 2010 issue of Carolina Journal.

NOTE: Helping our sons to become men who are ready, willing and able to take on adulthood is a primary focus of our new book, Raising Real Men. We’d love for you to read a chapter. Just click the link in the left sidebar.

I think more and more people are discovering that a lot of that storm and stress is cultural. There’s no question that teenagers have different needs than their younger siblings: they’re going through physical changes that affect their emotions, they are yearning for independence long before their judgement matures, and unfortunately, our culture expects them to sit still and wait another decade or so before they become “useful members of society.” Some teenagers decide they’ve had enough of jumping through hoops to gain “credibility”, and just check out of the process. Psychologists Joseph and Claudia Allen, in their new book Escaping the Endless Adolescence, saying that “Twenty-five is the new fifteen,” observing that some of our college graduates act with the level of confusion and irresponsibility we used to associate with young teens!

But we’ve found that it doesn’t have to be that way. If you adopt the view that teenagers are just the youngest of young adults, and start to work with them on that basis, incredible things happen. We’ve seen in our own family and those nearby that teenagers are capable of all kinds of things. Just in our own business, we rely on teenagers to set up and maintain our websites and computer net, to do typesetting and graphic design, produce videos and CDs, and handle packing and shipping orders. Some of these are skills that no one but the teenagers have! And they run errands, watch siblings, and do much of the cooking, too. When they see that there is a real place for their real contributions, they rise to the occasion. Often, it just takes some understanding and wisdom on the part of their doorkeepers — us!

Today’s freebie is from Homeschool Group Leader.com, and they really get it. 18 Ways to Get Teenagers Onboard and Interactive by Kristen Fagala and Denise Hyde is a quick guide full of ideas that will work in your own family as well as support groups and church ministries. Why let all that energy and enthusiasm languish when you can guide it to productive use? As Kristen and Denise write,

Teen zeal can energize like nothing else. Teen apathy can discourage like nothing else. The desire to help teens rise above the threatening whirlpools of detachment, disinterest or dispassion to be all that God has called them to be is what motivates many parents and leaders of youth to get involved and seek answers. We pray that these 18 ideas for motivating your teen(s) to get onboard and become interactive with your group will keep you motivated, too.

This is a great resource, and it’s available for free right here!

Maybe you’re looking for a curriculum that is specifically aimed at your teenaged sons.  Have you considered Blessed Is The Man?  This is a high school unit study curriculum by Lynda and Lauren Coats is structured on the lessons of Psalm 1, verse by verse.  It’s designed to train young men for leadership in the family, community, and church, emphasizing the development of Godly character as well as academic skills.  It includes vocational and business units as well as most college-prep courses; you add the higher math and addition science, if desired. This is a $74.95 value and we’re going to give it to someone who is subscribed to our newsletter or signed up on our Facebook fan page.  If you’re on both, you get two chances!