When the philosopher, Aristippus of Cyrene, was asked some 400 years BC, what boys should be taught, he replied:

“Those things which they will use when men.”

Imbued with ancient wisdom, this response threatens to make a mockery of much which is taught in schools today.

Tragically, rather too many schools have lost sight of those things which will be used by our boys when they become men.  We have lost our focus on education in favour of a concentration on the esoteric, the political and the convenient.  Rather too much teaching is packaged in artificial curricula delivered in artificial settings giving artificial help for the future.

He identified ten life skills which are typically, if not universally, overlooked in the schools:

The ability to live in community and to forge good relationships.

The ability to communicate well.

The ability to know yourself and what you believe.

The ability to handle intimacy and sex.

The ability to control emotions and impulses.

The ability to manage financial matters.

The ability to do practical things, to clean, cook, make and mend.

The ability to be good mannered and to know etiquette.

The ability to accept responsibility.

The ability to be resilient and to deal with grief and loss

I’ve read the whole 23-page paper, and while I have some reservations or downright disagreements in some areas — I wouldn’t want my sons given a secularized, make-your-own-choice-just-be-polite form of sex education, for instance — I have to say he’s on target in many ways.  In fact, we address all of these issues in our book, but from a Biblical standpoint, not just a philosophical one.

(Interestingly for a secular educator, he suggests that a formal coming of age ceremony is a useful thing – another point we address in the book.)

One thing he doesn’t address — and in fact, he does at least touch on the necessity of some sort of spiritual training, though not specifically Christian — is implied in the very existence of his school and the IBSC organization.  In nearly every one of these topics, a boy will approach the issue from a distinctly different perspective than his sister … or his mom.  The desired educational goal may be the same at the end — he or she can cook, he or she can deal with disappointment, he or she has internalized and personalized their moral and spiritual frameworks.  However, I think we have to pull our kids out of the ditches on the opposite sides of the road.  I, as a father, have to step out of my “instinctive” response to effectively reach out to my young daughters; I have to speak more gently, deal with different emotional reactions, and so forth.  Mothers have to do the same to reach their sons.

And both mom and dad need to ask themselves — are we going to do any better job of teaching these life skills than the schools do?

(A more concise version of his presentation is available on The King’s School website.  This article omits some of the more debatable or objectionable ideas I found in the conference presentation.)

I grew up in an entrepreneurial family and I have to confess that when we were first married, I thought it was great that Hal went to work and then came home and was done. Over the years, though, life as an employee changed: more hours, less security, less freedom. We also grew to need more time and flexibility for ministry. Working together as a family like we did growing up looked more and more attractive, until finally a layoff gave us the extra push we needed to strike out on our own.

We have come to realize that we want to cultivate an entrepreneurial spirit in our children. It would have been much easier to start a business when it was just us and fewer expenses, so we want our guys to have the courage and skills to be business men from the beginning if that’s what God wants them to do. And not just that, but the strengths of an entrepreneurial spirit: reasonable risk taking, hard work, creativity, discernment, and initiative are very valuable in most careers.

Raising Real Men talks about how to instill that spirit in your boys and how to teach them to manage money, avoid debt, and prepare for the future.  Today’s resource will help you put it into practice raising boys!

Teaching Good Things is hosting today’s free giveaway and it is huge!

Teaching Good Things. is all about equipping families with practical skills. I had the opportunity to look through their Making and Managing Money for Teens by Olivia Brodock the other day. Talk about practical! It had tons of ideas for businesses that teens and preteens could get started. I loved that it talked about how to get started, the cost of start-up, and what was involved in running each kind of business. It is a solid, practical way to get your children thinking, then working toward starting a micro-business of their own. That micro-business may even be God’s leading toward a career. I think about a relative of mine who started a web business as a teen and is now the CEO of an industry leader in the same field.

Unbelievably, Teaching Good Things has offered fans of Raising Real Men a free copy of Making and Managing Money for Teens! This eBook costs $16.97, but she is giving it to you free to celebrate our release! What a blessing! Thank you, Brodock family!

Go to Teaching Good Things and Get Your Free Copy of Making and Managing Money for Teens!

When you get to the cart, enter the code (it’ll be on the link above), hit update, then enter your zip code and hit update. While you are there, sign up for their newsletter to get a free 7 part mini-course called Encouraging Eager Hands! They have lots of great resources and a fascinating blog. Enjoy!

You aren’t going to believe today’s contest provided by Values-Driven Family! A $93 value!

Values-Driven Family, the ministry of Marc and Cindy Carrier, is all about raising our children according to the principles and values found in Scripture. Their site is chockful of free articles and help to raise a godly seed. The Carriers have generously donated a Gift Pack of premium quality Beeyoutiful vitamins for our contest. The Gift Pack, worth $93 dollars contains a three month supply of SuperDad vitamins, a three month supply of SuperMom vitamins, and a bottle of SuperKids vitamins (how long it lasts depends on how many children you have!)! We have started using these vitamins ourselves and are so thankful for them – and our children love the natural berry taste! And Values-Driven Family gives you a 15% discount off purchases of Beeyoutiful products, too. Thank you, Marc and Cindy!

While you are at the Values-Driven Family site, be sure to sign up for their newsletter. I was totally amazed at the freebies they give you when you sign up! I tend to be a little jaded – we’ve been parents and homeschoolers for decades and I have more things than I will ever use, but wow! I saw quite a few things I can’t wait to download. They have charts for a daily schedule and chores and behavior, memory verse and values posters, and tons of download freebies from other publishers!

How can you enter? The winner of this huge prize will be chosen exclusively from those who help us spread the word about Raising Real Men. Just post about our book, Raising Real Men, or this Celebration anywhere on the web (blogs, forums, email loops, Twitter, Facebook, Digg, anywhere, with a link back to http://raisingrealmen.com and let us know in the comments. Every posting is an entry.

We are hearing from all over the world (Singapore to The Netherlands!) that Raising Real Men is changing parents’ hearts toward their boys. That is our hope! We don’t have the huge advertising budget that many publishers do. You are our team. Your recommendation is the best marketing we could have, anyway!

Sign up for our newsletter (new subscribers this month will be entered to win a $70 collection of workshop CDs) and fan our Facebook page to join the conversation!

Caleb knocked him flat! He knew the battle from house to cornfield. He had stood there behind the Stonewall Jackson statue and yelled, like General Bee, “There stands Jackson like a Stonewall! Rally behind the Virginians!” He’d never forget it.  Likewise, the children had heard Booker T. Washington describe the sacrificial love of his older brother in wearing his painfully prickly new shirt until it was softer in Up from Slavery before they visited the Booker T. Washington National Monument and they studied with great interest where it all happened. Hands-on, hearts-on history doesn’t just stay with them, it changes them.  Especially boys. Boys love verbs. They love to do, to be. They draw verbs, they live history, they aim to be their heroes. That’s the kind of thing we talk about in Raising Real Men – please read a sample chapter while you are here and we’d love for you to buy a  copy!

It’s very fitting that today’s party celebrating the Official Release of Raising Real Men is brought to you by our friends at Hands and Hearts

You know, so often, I intend to do hands-on things with our children – I know it really makes the learning not just fun, but memorable, but life intervenes and I never seem to have on hand the things I need. It’s frustrating! Hands and Hearts: Hands on Homeschooling that Touches the Heart has loads of resources that make teaching easy. They have books, kits, games and all sorts of things especially relevant to those teaching with a classical, Charlotte Mason or notebooking style. It’s the History Kits that really caught my eye, though. Wow. The activities were extremely well-balanced: fun and profitable, things boys will love and things girls will love. And lots of it. And complete – no “just pick up these 12 items” that so many “kits” have.

Today’s freebie is 15% off anything at Hands and Hearts! What a deal!

Just enter the code realmen in your shopping cart for 15% off your entire purchase until February 28th in this awesome store!! I’m going to ask you not to share this code around the net, but you are entirely welcome (encouraged) to post about it and direct them back here to get it!

Jeff and Kate Estes, the owners of Hands and Hearts, are the real deal, that’s why it didn’t surprise me when they were so generous with us (wait til you hear about the contest!). When Katie, our baby, had wracked up thousands of dollars of medical bills and I was feeling frantic, Kate spent hours on the phone with me helping me to figure out how to manage. They have a lot of experience, because their incredibly cute 3yo, Noah has a fatal disease. I know, I know, I just posted a pic of him the other day, but I can’t resist – he is soooo cute. In the midst of that, Jeff lost his job, then the CPSIA regulation boondoggle nearly caused them to close down Hands and Hearts. They are on the verge of losing everything and here they are worried about our book release and giving us stuff to help celebrate. That’s the kind of folks they are.

We have two awesome Hands and Hearts History Kits to give away – your choice! They are worth up to $60 each!!!

Here’s what they say about them: Does hands-on history cause you heartache?   How many times have you purchased a wonderful-looking history curriculum or activity guide, only to find yourself defeated by supplies that were expensive, hard-to-find, or just plain burdensome?  Let Hands and Hearts History Discovery Kits do the hard work.  Each kit combines interesting, significant hands-on art, language, math, science, and cultural projects with our exclusive Bible Truths Memory Cards and ready-to-use notebook pages.  Best of all, absolutely everything you need to do the projects is right in the box!

One winner will be chosen from among those that comment on this post. You get extra entries every time you post about the Celebration, Raising Real Men, or the Estes Homeschool Deal (I’m about to tell you about it!) on the web or on your social media. Just tell us about it (a link would be great!) in the comments.

One winner will be chosen from among our newsletter subscribers. Sign up to get news, tips, and encouragement on raising godly boys in the toolbar on your right. And why not fan our Facebook page while you are at it? I think you’ll enjoy the conversation!

These kits look like so much fun, my children were horribly disappointed to here they weren’t allowed to enter the contest   We’ll choose a winner Tuesday morning!

What’s this about the Estes’ great homeschool deal?

This is how well-regarded Jeff & Kate Estes are: When we all heard what a difficult time they were having, the Christian publishing community rallied round them and gave them tons of valuable homeschool and family products to help them raise money. 100% of the money raised goes to take care of this precious family, not one cent goes to any of the publishers! That means that if you jump up and “bear one another’s burdens” that you will receive over $339 of products for just $39. That’s like multiplying your money by a factor of nearly 10 times. Plus, all donors will be entered in a contest to win one of five prize packages. Two of them are worth over $849: real, not virtual merchandise from some of the most popular publishers in the homeschool market – including us! Wow! It’s not often you can do something to give to someone else and bless yourself so much, too. Won’t you step up and help? I’d appreciate it! Just click here to see for yourself.

We’re having a party to celebrate and you are invited!

Every day from now until then, we’ll have a giveaway – that’s right, something everyone can have for free! – and a contest with fantastic resources and prizes provided by our fellow Christian publishers who want Raising Real Men to take off with a bang! We have resources for preschoolers, elementary age students, teens and parents coming. Don’t forget to check back every day in the next week or you’ll miss a treat! Why not sign up for an RSS feed, so you don’t miss a thing? Just click here. We hope you’ll check out our friends who are sponsoring this celebration with gifts up to $93 in value!!!:

Sonbeams, Hands and Hearts, WriteShop, Values Driven Family, Christian Perspective, Kap and Pen Publications, Teaching Good Things, Motherboard Books, Homeschool Group Leader, Media Angels and Lynda Coats Unit Study Emporium!

Today’s party is hosted by Sonbeams: Raising Up SON-Beams for Him!

I’m really excited about introducing you to Sonbeams! You may know that we have eight children who range in age from adult to infancy. I find I get a little lazy about resources for the little guys – after all, we have so many things from when the big guys were little, I forget I need to keep an eye out for new and better things. I was happy when Candace of Sonbeams contacted me about sponsoring our celebration. She sent me a download of her ABC Bible Memory Verse Songs

I loved them! It’s a collection of 26 Bible verses set to really sweet, happy songs. What a fantastic way to hide the Word of God in our children’s hearts. Years ago, we had a CD that had a few Bible memory songs on it and we still – probably 15 years later think of them whenever we hear a reference to those verses. This is the easiest way to memorize Scripture I’ve ever found. It’s child-friendly, too, as the songs are sung by children. I think this is a great addition to any family with young children.

There are several great options on the Sonbeams site: you can download the songs, or buy a CD, or buy a CD, teacher’s guide, even music. Check it out!

I am thrilled to tell you that Sonbeams has offered to give you a download of one of their songs free! They let us decide which one and we chose “C – Children Obey Your Parents in the Lord, for This is Right.” We all want our children to know that verse, right? LOL! I think you’ll love it. Please note that if you want to get their newsletter, and I hope you do, you’ll have to sign up separately as Candace wanted this gift to be completely free of obligation!

Download your gift from Sonbeams here.

That’s not all! Sonbeams is also sponsoring a contest for us!

They have given us two ABC  Bible Memory Verse Songs CDs to give away! They’re worth $13.95 each!

Here’s how we’ll choose the winners:

One winner will be chosen from among fans of Raising Real Men‘s Facebook page. Just head over there to fan us and you’ll be entered, or just click “Become a Fan” in the side bar on your right!

Another winner will be chosen from those who comment on this post. Leave a comment with a tip or a question about raising young boys (since today’s resource is for younger children) for Christ!

Want more entries? Just post about this week’s celebration or this contest or Raising Real Men with a link back here on your Facebook wall, your blog, an email loop, forum or Twitter. Then post a comment with the link or you can cut and paste your post if you post somewhere private.

We’d love for you to help us out by doing this because we really want to spread the word about Raising Real Men. We are getting so many letters from parents who have had their hearts changed toward their boys because of this book. Just this morning I was talking to a mother who had given the book to a friend who had an older daughter who was calm and quiet, then adopted a little boy. She was so relieved to find out that he was a normal boy and she had a renewed vision of how to raise him to be a real, godly man.  Why not read a chapter or order a copy while you are here?

We’re signing copies you order from this website, plus you get our study guide, free shipping and the first Sugar Creek Gang audio book as free bonuses! Just click here!

Don’t forget to come back for tomorrow’s freebie and contest! We’ll announce a winner tomorrow, too!

What I think I have come to understand about boys is that a desire to commit violence is not the same thing as a desire to commit evil. It’s a mistake for parents to presume that a fascination with the idea of blowing something away is, in itself, a disgusting habit, like nose-picking, that can and should be eradicated. The problem is not that the boy’s hand itches for a sword. The problem lies in not telling him what they are for, that they are for something—the sword and the itch alike. If I had told my aggressive little son not, “Be gentle,” but, rather, “Protect your sister,” I might, I think, have had the right end of the stick.

By all means, read the whole thing!

Writing the notes to his wife and children wasn’t easy, the deeply religious man said.

“Boy, I cried,” he admitted. “Obviously, no one wants to come to that point. I also didn’t want to just get found after having some time — God gave me some time — to think and to pray and to come to grips with the reality. I wanted to use that time to do everything I could for my family. If that could be surviving, get out, then I would. If it could be just to leave some notes that would help them in life, I would do that.”

Just wow.  NBC’s “Today” show has the story online.

I was given this book, Raising Real Men, by the authors Hal & Melanie Young in exchange for my honest review. As I have been reading this book, I have been so very encouraged to allow my boys to take risks and adventures and not be over “motherly” in protecting them. As I was reading chapter 3, I was asking myself, “Do my boys even try to be adventurous or have I sqashed that tendency in them?” Well, I got to thinking. Yes. They do! Wes immediately came to mind. He is 11 and he likes to ride his skateboard outside, even without me being there. HA! He loves going to the checkout lanes and paying for his own items while I am in another lane and not necessarily in the lane next to him. He loves to climb trees, too. As for Nathanael, my 13 year old, he has a beautiful voice but refuses to sing out loud at church. I now understand that I need to encourage him to use his gift for God and even if he doesn’t want to sing in public, that his singing around the house encourages me in the Lord. Nate shows that he wants to be a conquerer by  taking most of the grocery bags (which are usually overfilled) from my vehicle to the kitchen cabinet in as little trips as possible. He will load up those bags on his arms until it has taken either most of his strength or all of his space (fingers, hands, arms). What a great book to help me see these qualities in my sons. Now, back to reading. . . .

Today is one week later and I have completed reading the book. I highly recommend you get this book if you have sons. One phrase really struck me. It was “Our job is to shape and prepare the arrows so when they are released, they fly straight and true on their own.” How true this is. Our children are the arrows and it is our job, not our parent’s, the government’s, or anyone else’s, to shape and prepare our children for when they leave home.

I have learned quite a bit on raising boys and how to encourage them to be “chivalrous.” I wish I had this book when my boys were younger, but since I didn’t, I will work extra hard to encourage my boys (now 11 & 13) to be more attentive to the needs of those around them.

Tina Brown

Mom of 7 Kids Blog

As I mentioned last week, I’ve been reading Raising Real Men: Surviving, Teaching, and Appreciating Boys by Hal and Melanie Young. I finished it yesterday, and plan to read it again after Larry gets a turn. Put simply, if you only read one book about raising boys, this is the one I would recommend. I ordered my book through their website last year, although I see it is now available elsewhere.

Most authors of books about boys may have been a boy or even raised one, but their books tend to be based on research and/or professional experience. I have found that to be useful in helping me better understand my boys, but Raising Real Men helps put that understanding into practice. The Youngs have six sons (and two daughters); they know what it’s like in the trenches. They cover the real issues based on their own years of experience: responsibility, discipline, competition, chivalry, homeschooling, chores, and more.

As I read, I alternated between two reactions: “Phew, we’re on the right track!” and “Ohhh, that’s a good way to deal with that!” More importantly, it has finally made me thankful for the privilege (and challenge) I have been given with five real boys to raise.

Wendy & her Lost Boys Blog

Raising Real Men is so HOT OFF THE PRESS that the copyright on the book is 2010!  We have just brough in a whole case of this book because it was such a good read and we are currently the only bookshop in Asia selling it!

Last week, I had a typical exchange with Timothy about his Swiss army knife.  He had taken out the penknife and the scissors and left it open on the stairs!  Of course I threw the book at him, telling him this was unacceptable handling of the Victorinox, what would happen if someone stepped on it … blah, blah, blah.  Then I told him to put it back in the toolbox and said he would not be allowed to use it again unless I gave him EXPRESS permission (I love using that phrase) to do so.

Of course he was upset.  But the next day (and after I had read a few chapters of the book), he came to ask me if he could use it.  Ordinarily I would have said no, just to make a point.  But realising that he was A BOY (an “ah-ha” moment) and that I would never really understand boys’ obsession with tools, I said yes, but set the rule that the Victorinox had to either be in his hand when in use, in his pocket when not in use or back in the toolbox at the end of the day.  I have so much more to learn about raising boys.  After all, I have never been one! 

So it has been a treat and an eye-opener and conversation starter with TC, to read Raising Real Men.  One of the most down-to-earth, practical, well-balanced books on raising children I have personally ever read!  No textbook answers, no preachy-ness, no my-way-or-the-highway talk.  Just straight-shooting, from the heart sharing of one family’s mistakes (yes they share those too), struggles and joys as they seek to raise six sons for the Lord.

The Youngs are a Christian family and make no bones about it.  They are a homeschooling family, but their book does not say homeschooling is the only way.  Their philosophy sounds so much like ours, that I could see myself writing this book in 15 years from now.  Except they write SO MUCH BETTER than I do! 

They offer a good mix of Christian principles on the one hand and good-old common sense (which is getting less common) on the other.  I thought this line from Chapter 11, “Chivalry is not dead”, on the need for good manners, summarised their position well:

“The true path, like so much in life, is a balance that acknowledges the need for guidance to help sinful people get along, but does not make a destructive tyrant out of the resulting rules.”

I have read books which say there is only one way to raise children and if you do otherwise, you and your children are doomed (okay, not THAT extreme, but you get the general idea?).  So this was a truly refreshing read!

By the time I finished the book, I was thanking God for the PRIVILEGE of raising two boys!  So if you have sons (especially if you’re a mother), and have people raise their eyebrows when they see you with your bouncing boys in tow, and if you feel that no one understands what you’re going through, and doubt that the madness will ever end, this is the book for you!

May we all be encouraged to raise godly and very real sons!

Angie Maniam-Ng