What’s Your Son Got to Say Tonight?

by Hal and Melanie Young | February 21st, 2014

Recently we asked our Facebook page what people wanted us to write about. Several asked “How can mothers have a good relationship with their sons?”

Our friends Marilyn and Rick Boyer helped us a lot with this topic in the articles they called Learning to Delight in Your Children. It helped us to clarify something we’ve been thinking for a long time. Take the time to read their whole series. It’s worth it.

It’s late at night, so we’ll keep it brief and focus on just one piece of the puzzle. Grab our book, if you want more on understanding your boys. Here goes:

Whats Your Son Got to Say Tonight

If you want your son to listen to you, listen to him. (tweet this)

Sounds easy, but it’s not when all he seems to want to talk about is his latest crazy idea to build a forge in the back yard or how to design a rocket or the weird games he likes to play. You may just want to tune it out, but hear us on this: If you don’t listen to his heart speaking, he won’t want to listen to yours.

This was driven home to us a few years ago when we drove late at night to another state. Hal had been working long hours so he was asleep  in the back; Melanie was too tired to drive, so a teen son was behind the wheel and Melanie’s job was to keep him awake. He only thing he wanted to talk about the guitar he was building, so talk he did …for hours!

That’s fine, but Melanie is the only one in the family who isn’t a bit musical. It was a struggle to stay awake. She remembers the lines crossing and recrossing in front of her as her eyes focused and unfocused. She kept up the conversation, though. You see, Melanie isn’t at all interested in guitars, but she is very interested in our son!

That’s been years ago, but he still occasionally mentions how much that night meant to him.

It’s better to lose a little sleep to talk now, then to lose a lot of sleep to worry later. (tweet this)

We’re talking about those late night talks that don’t seem to mean much at the time. All you can think of is bed, and what they are talking about doesn’t seem that important … but those late-night confidences form a foundation of love and trust that lasts a lifetime. They prove you really do care.

It’s not that late, really. What’s your son got to say tonight?

Hal and Melanie Winter

Your friends,

Hal & Melanie

P.S. Isn’t it funny how the Lord tests your resolve? (Hint: Hypocrisy is not a Christian value.) Hal and I finished this late at night and he went on upstairs. I was adding the graphic, then heading up, too, really exhausted. Just as I saved the file to close it, one of our older sons came in the door. My heart sank. He wanted to talk and I was pooped, but I had to put my money where my mouth was. I’m so glad I did. We had a really wonderful time talking sharing some special ice cream he’d bought me as a treat. I know it isn’t easy. The spirit may be willing, but the flesh is sleepy. It’s worth every minute, though.  ~Melanie

Join us for one of our two upcoming webinar series on raising sons:

Boot Camp 9-12: Getting Geared Up for the Teen Years (for parents of boys 9-12 yo)

PreFlight: For Teens & Their Parents

Want to have us speak for your church or homeschool group? We’d love to!
Head over here to download our speaker kit!

 

  • Kimberly Trautman

    My sweet oldest boy, who has struggled with depression, anxiety, and shyness, will open up and talk for hours about a book idea he has. Sometimes I take him with me grocery shopping and out to dinner. He talk the entire time about dragons and weapons and all the characters he has developed. Has he written it yet? Nope. He may never write a word down. I will remember every word though. It is a special time of me just listening to him talk and I love the sound of his new man voice. His eyes light up because he knows I am listening. I ask questions and make comments and suggestions. It is a special time and I love it.

    • Joeysmom

      Kimberly sounds like my son is your son

  • Phyllis Sather

    I’ve spent so many nights in the master bathroom with our young adults that we’ve talked about taking out the tub and putting in a sofa. It’s been easier to go into the bathroom than to go downstairs, so we sit on the edge of the tub and talk and hope I don’t fall asleep and fall in.

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